The Beauty Pageant
by Glamourcat
Summary: This story takes place inbetween "The Hunt" and "My Good Idea." In an atempt to earn some cash the Slayers girls enter a beauty pageant-only the prise isn't what they expected and neither is the winner!


Title: The Beauty Pageant  
  
Author: J.R. Giroux  
  
Date: 4/28/01  
  
Author's Notes: Xelloss, Zelgadis, Lina, Amelia, and Gourry all belong to Slayers. Jade Aero and Ferocity (including her species) belongs to me.  
  
The motley group of five stared at the poster pinned to the town's notice board. A tall blonde man with a vacant expression, a short red- haired woman, a girl with short black hair, a man with wire for hair and stone for skin, and a black caped man with purple hair and a cheerful expression stood goggle-eyed at announcement.  
  
"Wow! One million gold pieces!" Zelgadis, the wire-haired man said. "It almost makes me wish I was female, if earning money is that easy."  
  
"Oh my. Who knew that something as simple as a beauty pageant could have such a large amount of money for a prize?" The cheerful purple haired man spoke.  
  
"No kidding Xelloss," The last man, the tall blonde replied. "It's too bad that we don't have any beautiful girls with us or we could enter them and win the prize money!"  
  
"Gourry, you squid for brains!" The red head kneed him in the stomach. "What do you think I am?"  
  
"Pushy, over-assertive, and flat-chested?" Gourry asked, wheezing for breath.  
  
"Argh!" She slammed her elbow into the top of his head. Twitching, Gourry fell over. Brushing off her hands the woman continued to speak, "There. It's clear that the people of this great city knew that I, the famous Lina Inverse was traveling in this direction! They must certainly wanted to honor me for all my great deeds."  
  
"Or your swelled head." Zelgadis whispered under his breath.  
  
"So they arranged for this contest to showcase my beauty to everyone!" Lina finished as if she'd never been interrupted, stars glowing in her eyes.  
  
"But Miss Lina, everyone knows that you're the Dragon Spooker, the one woman so ugly that dragons run away in fear from you." The black haired girl finally said something. "If anyone should enter and win this contest it should be me! As a Princess of Saillune (Seyruun), I'm sure to win! The judges must surely see the inner beauty of my love for justice reflected in my outer beauty!"  
  
"What! Absolute nonsense, Amelia!" Lina shouted. "If anyone's going to win this pageant it'll be me!"  
  
The two women fell to arguing in the middle of the street as Gourry, Xelloss, and Zelgadis watched in embarrassment at the audience the girls were attracting.  
  
Zelgadis slapped his hand against his forehead. "Something tells me that we're not leaving this town anytime soon."  
  
"It certainly doesn't look that way, does it?" Xelloss said, actually looking downcast for a moment. "But look on the bright side!"  
  
Zelgadis looked at Xelloss suspiciously, "What bright side?"  
  
"Someone from this group is bound to win and then we'll be able to afford feeding Gourry and Lina!" Xelloss said happily.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Zel asked.  
  
Xelloss opened one eye and squinted at Zel, lifting one finger he shook his hand in admonishment. "Now, now, THAT is a secret."  
  
A rider just outside of town pulled the reins up to halt her strange mount. The dracorn, a half-dragon/half-unicorn hybrid snorted and stamped.  
  
"What now?" The beast thought to its rider.  
  
"Look at that notice nailed to that tree. One million gold pieces to the winner of the city's beauty pageant." Jade Aero, known as The Hunter to the criminals she caught for bounty, pointed to the poster. "It's some sort of sponsored contest, probably designed to get tourists into the place. But still, one million gold pieces."  
  
"Thinking of entering?" The dracorn was surprised. "You don't normally like showing your face, much less your whole body in a swimsuit."  
  
"Well.still. That money's awfully tempting. Wouldn't you like to spend one winter in a nice house with a heated stable, not tracking down thieves, cutthroats, and bandits in the middle of a snowstorm?" Jade spoke wistfully.  
  
The dracorn thought for a moment. "So, what color do you think we should get you for an evening gown. And what on earth are you going to do for a talent? The only thing you're good for is beating people up."  
  
Jade kicked her heals into the dracorn's side and they started moving towards the city, "Well my dear Ferocity, I was thinking."  
  
Lina Inverse and Amelia, still growling at each other, marched into the tent set up for the pageant admissions. A small, middle-aged balding man sat behind the single table surrounded by paperwork.  
  
"Excuse me, but is this where you sign up for the beauty pageant?" Lina asked, flipping her hair.  
  
"Well yes, why? Did you two have a candidate in mind?" The man looked up, blinking at the two girls.  
  
Lina sighed, "I want to enter the contest."  
  
"And so do I!" Amelia declared, holding one hand above her head, a fiercely determined look on her face.  
  
"You two?" The official said. "Well, no offense intended ladies, but aren't you two well.kinda small for this sorta thing?"  
  
"KINDA SMALL?" Lina blew up, "I'll show you kinda small! Flare Arrow!"  
  
Lina launched a magical fire arrow at the man, burning him and his paperwork.  
  
"Uh, Miss Lina? Don't you think that was a bit excessive?" Amelia asked.  
  
"Why not at all."  
  
The princess sighed, "I should have known that a crude woman like you wouldn't have the more delicate sensibilities that enable a Princess like myself to negotiate."  
  
"I'll give you delicate sensibilities." Lina rolled up her sleeve, growling.  
  
"Wait! Wait! If I let you enter will you just leave my tent?" The official waved his hands frantically at the two.  
  
"Well, sure now you're talking!" Lina said, completely forgetting the impending punishment of Amelia.  
  
"Why thank-you very much sir." Amelia made a point of being polite.  
  
"Fine, fine, just write your names here and make sure that you're backstage at noon to get your line-ups." The man had them sign a slip of paper. "First off is the personality contest, then the evening gowns, after that is the talent contest, followed up by the swimsuit competition, and finally the Judges will choose one runner-up and the winner."  
  
"Thanks mister! Oh, and sorry about your tent and all!" Lina signed her name, waved and ran outside. Amelia signed, turned and left with much more decorum.  
  
"I can't believe I just let a bunch of loonies enter the contest." He sighed.  
  
"Excuse me sir? But is this a bad time?" A soft voice, more gentle then that redhead's, and defiantly not as shrill as the black haired girl's, spoke.  
  
The official squinted. A woman, average in height, stood in the tent's cloth doorway. "Yes my dear? What is it?"  
  
"I'd like to enter the beauty pageant if I could."  
  
Zelgadis and Gourry found seats in the front row of the audience. A huge stage had been erected in the city's center and benches set up for the spectators. The place was packed with people, mostly men, standing anywhere they could fit in the square in order to see the stage.  
  
"Gee, Zel. Do you think that Lina and Amelia have any chance of winning this?" Gourry asked.  
  
"Not likely." Zel said, "But I wouldn't say that to their faces."  
  
"Hey, not even I'm that stupid." Gourry looked around him, blinking. "Where did Xelloss go?"  
  
Zel looked around and for the first time realized that the Mazoku was gone. He shrugged, "Who knows and who cares?"  
  
"Can I have your attention please?" The announcer for the pageant walked out to center stage. "Without further ado we shall begin the First Annual Cypher City Beauty Pageant!"  
  
The audience clapped and cheered. The announcer raised his hands for silence again and the crowd hushed. "First things, first! Let's get to know our lovely little ladies, shall we? Our first event is the personality contest. We'll bring the girls out one by one interview them while our judges make scores based on honesty, temperament, and poise."  
  
"Well, this ought to disqualify Lina right off the bat." Gourry commented.  
  
"True." Zel answered as the first woman was brought on stage.  
  
The first four contestants were unremarkable, each one wanted world peace for her long-range goal. Lina was the fifth up with Amelia right behind her. Lina scared the master of ceremonies with her talk of wanting a castle all to herself and Amelia put the entire house to sleep with a "Justice for All" speech. Three more girls went onstage for their interviews followed by a fourth, rather familiar looking woman. Familiar at least, to Gourry and his friend.  
  
"XELLOSS?" Zelgadis choked. "That's Xelloss up there!"  
  
"Wow, I guess that's what he meant when he said at least one of us would win this contest." Gourry rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You gotta admit though, he does have better legs then either Lina or Amelia."  
  
"No, I don't." Zel replied. "But Xelloss' interview did go better."  
  
A cheerful, perky Xelloss waved his...er...her hand as she left the stage.  
  
"And now our last entry, a sweet young thing who traveled into town just for this contest." The man onstage was saying as a young woman with straw- blonde hair walked onstage.  
  
"Hey Gourry, isn't that The Hunter?" Zelgadis asked, pointing.  
  
"Gourry? Gourry?" Zel looked at his companion. Gourry's face had frozen in shock, his jaw hanging, his eyes bugged out and unblinking. Zel waved his hand in front of the other man's face for a while, shrugged when he got no response, and went back to paying attention to Jade's interview.  
  
"Hm, my goals in life?" Jade was saying. "I've got two goals for myself at this stage in my life. One is to earn my keep in this world by catching all those who wouldn't earn their way through life honestly. My second goal is to retire to some nice quiet place when my work is done, so that I can live out my life in peace and without worry."  
  
"Thank-you, Jade. Admirable, very admirable." The master of ceremonies waved her off stage. She left, waving shyly at the audience.  
  
Gourry snapped back to normal, "Wow, wasn't she great!"  
  
"Uh-huh." Zel replied flatly. "Honestly, right now the only people worth following in this contest are Xelloss, Jade and that first girl who worked on a farm."  
  
"Next up! The Eveningwear show!" The man boomed from stage left. "Our ladies will parade before you in their evening's finest dresses. Let's show them our support as they walk by, shall we?"  
  
The crowd cheered and whistled as one by one the girls walked onto the stage from the right, stopped, twirled, and walked off stage left.  
  
Finally Lina came onstage, wearing a dazzling crimson red gown, long layers of ruffles swept down the skirt. The bodice of the dress was off the shoulder and she wore long purple satin gloves to offset the gown's color.  
  
The men in the audience whistled and catcalled.  
  
"Oh, thank you, thank-you all." Lina waved coyly before gliding off the stage.  
  
"Hmm.I wonder if Lina was using a glamour." Zelgadis thought out loud.  
  
"Hey, there's Amelia." Gourry pointed and waved at her to show support.  
  
Amelia drifted daintily out onto the platform wearing a pink gown that stopped mid-calf, ending in a ruffle. She walked to the center, close to the audience and began her twirl only to hear a ripping sound.  
  
"HUH?" Amelia looked behind her only to see that the seam of the skirt had come undone from the bodice of the dress. She was now flashing her underwear to the spectators. "Oh, ah...ack!"  
  
Amelia turned bright red, covered her rear with her hands and ran off the stage crying.  
  
"Well, um. How unfortunate." The spokesperson stammered. "Uh, can we have the next young lady out here, please?"  
  
Zelgadis sat on his bench, turning green. Gourry looked at him worriedly.  
  
"Are you all right Zel?"  
  
"Fine, except I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life."  
  
The rest of the girls (and Xelloss) came and went without incident. Though Zel did have to hit Gourry in the head when he went "zombied" at seeing Jade in her skin-tight gown that matched her green eyes.  
  
The talent competition began with two singers, a musical bells piece, a cheerleader, and then Lina.  
  
Lina's act consisted of her casting spells of summoning, calling doves to fly over the audience as they clapped in appreciation. The viewers stopped clapping when all of a sudden the birds went berserk and started to attack the townspeople.  
  
Zelgadis stood up and cast a wind spell, blowing all the birds away. Dusting of his shirt he calmly sat back down as the man in charge chased Lina off the stage.  
  
Amelia took Lina's place on stage and began a song about truth, love and justice. The audience applauded her, subdued after the bird attack. A baton twirler, a tumbler, and poetry reader followed Amelia.  
  
"Hey, it's Xelloss turn. I wonder what he's gonna do?" Gourry asked.  
  
"I don't know.Hey, isn't that a Maypole?" Zel asked as the stagehands set up a metal pole in the center of the platform. Music began to play from an unknown source as Xelloss danced on stage, dressed in a gypsy costume.  
  
"Oh. My. God." Zelgadis sat, stunned.  
  
Gourry clapped happily in time to the music as Xelloss began his dance around the pole. By the time his dance was finished Xelloss had all the male members of the crowd on their feet cheering for him.  
  
"Oh dear, thank-you! You're too kind!" Xelloss told the throng in a falsetto voice as he left the stage.  
  
The workers once again came out to remove the pole Xelloss had used and left as the announcer called Jade to the stage.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to do for you some trick horse- back riding and animal taming." Jade announced, "And don't worry. I don't work with birds."  
  
The group before her gave a nervous twitter in laughter. "I have tamed the greatest, rarest, or all the ancient wild beasts. I present to you the legendary creature, half/dragon-half/unicorn-THE DRACORN!"  
  
Jade gestured with one hand up into the air. The assembly looked up at what she was pointing to. In the air above them, diving out of the sky and straight towards the stage was a massive, winged, green and black horse- shaped beast. Jade stood her ground as it dove at her.  
  
Gourry was out of his seat and halfway to the stage when Zelgadis grabbed him and slammed him back down onto the bench. "Wait, this is part of her act."  
  
Jade spoke a word of command at the diving beast, which cut off the attack dive and circled around, landing neatly behind Jade.  
  
The crowd collectively gasped in awe. Jade scratched the scaled animal behind its ears. "Her name is Ferocity, and she is only the third dracorn ever to be tamed by mortal hands. Now, I'd like to show you some of the special tricks we've learned together."  
  
Jade swung herself onto the mare's back and without using the reins hanging from the bridle proceeded to give the mare silent commands. The dracorn went through her paces, trotting, backing up, sidestepping, rearing, and even breathing fire on command. Jade rode her sitting backwards and standing up in the saddle on one foot.  
  
At the end of the act, Jade dismounted and had the dracorn bow to the audience. During the wild applause Jade sent the dracorn away, the great beast galloping around the edge of the crowd and down a street until she disappeared from sight. Jade bowed one more time then left the stage.  
  
"Wow!" The Master of Ceremonies was obviously impressed. "What a tough act to follow. But I think we can, especially since the act that's following is the final leg of our pageant-the swimsuit contest!"  
  
Another uproar from the males in the crowd occurred before the spokesperson could get them calmed down enough to send the first girl on stage. They went quickly through the entries to Lina.  
  
"Zel, are swimsuits supposed to be baggy?" Gourry asked.  
  
"Not up front like that. Then again, Gourry, that is Lina up there." Zel replied.  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
Amelia received a halfway decent response from the audience for her little white and pink number. The other girls came and went until Xelloss walked on stage with his purple tank suit and matching high heals.  
  
He winked at the audience and it went crazy.  
  
Finally it was Jade's turn. As a precaution, Zelgadis tied Gourry to the bench and put a bucket under the man's chin to catch any drool.  
  
Jade walked out in a two-piece suit that again, perfectly matched her pale green peridot eyes. She was as well received as Xelloss. It was a damned good thing that bucket was under Gourry's chin.  
  
Finally she left the stage and the announcer charged the judges with tabulating the results.  
  
A young man finally stood up, taking the envelope with the winning name to the man on stage.  
  
"And the runner up is." The man spoke slowly to draw out the suspense, "And keep in mind that in the event that the winner can't full- fill her duties the runner up will step into her place and assume the title of Cypher City Beauty Queen.the runner up is, Xelloss, that purple haired beauty and a darn fine dancer!"  
  
Xelloss walked on stage, once again dressed in his purple evening gown, blowing kisses to the crowd. "Oh thank you. I shall try my best to be worth of this position."  
  
He accepted the smaller tiara and a single rose.  
  
"And our winner is!" The spokesperson exclaimed, throwing his hand in the air, "JADE AERO!"  
  
Jade walked back on stage in her own thigh-split evening gown and stood next to Xelloss as the crown was placed on her head. She was handed a bouquet of roses.  
  
Xelloss turned to her, "I'm so happy for you. It couldn't have happened to a nicer girl!"  
  
"Thanks-hey, don't I know you?" Jade squinted her eyes trying to think of where she'd seen the other woman before.  
  
"Oh, I don't think so!" Xelloss waved his hands in denial.  
  
"WAIT A DAMNED MINUTE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN JADE AERO WINS?" A voice thundered off to one side of the stage area.  
  
"YEAH! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT SHE WINS?" A higher pitched voice repeated.  
  
"I was afraid this would happen." Zelgadis said standing up, "Lina and Amelia aren't the best losers. Come on, we've got to get up there before those two nuts try something."  
  
"Right." Gourry followed the chimera as he elbowed his way through the crowd.  
  
Lina and Amelia, now changed back into their normal costumes, marched right up to the small group.  
  
"I should have won! What did she do that I didn't?"  
  
"Have talent, a good personality, and bigger breasts?" Xelloss offered helpfully.  
  
"And what are YOU doing in this contest Xelloss!" Amelia turned on the Mazoku.  
  
"And now for you to collect the prize, Miss Aero! One million gold pieces for your dowry. Here comes the mayor right now to reward you." The spokesman said trying to hurriedly distract them before an explosion happened.  
  
"Wait a minute, did you say dowry?" Jade asked.  
  
"Why yes, he did." The mayor said, approaching with a bag of gold. "Didn't you know? This beauty contest was to find a wife for my son. The prettiest girl with the best personality and true talent would get to marry my son and I'd give the two of you one million in gold for you to start your lives."  
  
"What?!" Lina, Amelia, Jade, and Xelloss exclaimed.  
  
"It's all right here," The mayor held up the advertising poster and pointed to the tiny print at the very bottom of the sign. "Now, shall we have the wedding right now or do you want to get to know each other first. I understand that you young folk find that important these days."  
  
"Wed.wedding?" Jade stammered. "To your son?"  
  
"Yes, Junior! Junior, why don't you come over here and introduce yourself?" The mayor called.  
  
A young man came over to them, trying to leap up onto the stage but missed and fell flat on his face. The klutz scrambled up on stage and ran over to Jade, grabbing her hand and shaking it.  
  
"Pleased to meetcha." He stammered.  
  
Jade and the others got a good look at him. He had red curly hair that was disheveled and had straw sticking up out of it, greasy skin and pimples, a too-large nose and fat lips.  
  
Jade shuddered and pulled her hand away. "ICK!"  
  
"Huh, looks like we got off easy Amelia." Lina shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so Miss Lina." The princess agreed.  
  
"Hey! Jade!" Gourry called as he and Zelgadis joined the group on stage. "Wow! You were fantastic.hey, who's that little creep?"  
  
The big man pointed to the mayor's son.  
  
"Oh, this is the mayor's son." Xelloss explained cheerfully, "It would seem that this contest was to find a wife for him, and Jade's it!"  
  
"I AM NOT!" Jade thundered at Xelloss. She turned to Gourry trying to explain, "I had no idea that this was a marriage contest, really I didn't!"  
  
"Relax, I believe you. No one else knew either, I think." Gourry patted her on the back, reassuring her.  
  
"So, about that wedding. You still can wear white, right?" The mayor asked.  
  
Jade turned bright red and screamed, "FEROCITY!"  
  
The dracorn galloped down the street, hurdling onto the stage. Jade grabbed onto the mare's mane and pulled herself into the saddle as she ran by.  
  
"YOU CAN KEEP THE MONEY! I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED TO THAT THING!" Jade shouted as she tossed her crown to the floor and Ferocity opened her wings, lifting off into the sky.  
  
"Nuts. I didn't get her autograph again." Gourry said sadly as he watched the two fly away.  
  
"Well, with her gone, it's the runner-ups job to fill her spot." Zelgadis said. "That means you Xelloss."  
  
"WHAT?" Xelloss stepped back.  
  
The mayor's son advanced on him, "Well, I woulda liked a blonde, but you're purrty too."  
  
"Um, I really can't marry you." Xelloss said raising his hands in defense, backing away further from the wormy little man.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"For one thing, I have a secret." Xelloss said flashing out and then back in. When he reappeared he was in his normal clothes. "I'm really male."  
  
The son stopped for a moment. "I don't care, you're still purrty."  
  
"Well, as long as my boy's happy. I was hoping for grandkids, but I guess you two could adopt." The mayor reasoned.  
  
"Um, wait! I'm not even human! I'm a member of the monster race!" Xelloss panicked as the son began to chase him around the stage. "OH DEAR!"  
  
Zelgadis watched with a small smile on his face. Gourry looked confused while Amelia and Lina breathed a sigh of relief at their narrow escape.  
  
"Should we help him?" Gourry asked.  
  
"Nah, he can take care of himself." Lina said. "And besides, even if that boy does catch him, well, this isn't such a bad place to raise a family. Come on, Xelloss can catch up."  
  
The sorceress turned and walked away, leading her small group.  
  
"Oh my, the Lord of Nightmares isn't going to like this one bit!" Xelloss cried.  
  
"You know the Lord of Nightmares? Wonderful! We'll be the first city to set up a trade agreement with the monster race! Boy, welcome to the family." They heard the Mayor boom as they walked out of town. 


End file.
